Can You Vague That Up For Me?

Bronwyn Green's Random Thoughts

The Day in Which I Will Live in My Car

No, I’m not protesting…not yet, anyway. I am however thinking about parking my ass in front of the principal’s office to complain about this ill conceived Fog Delay, though.

This is how my day is going…

5am – Drag sorry ass out of bed after having bizarre dream where Brynn, Alyssa Milano (WTF?!) and I were eating fried chicken and Alyssa and I went out on a beer run. A.) Eating meat off bones makes me squidgey. B.) I hate beer. C.) Alyssa Milano? Really? I mean, she’s adorable and all, but yeah…I don’t even know where to go with that.

5:45am – Drag children’s sorry asses out of bed for showers and school.

6:50am – Stumble out to the car, drive to pick up car pool kid whilst listening to Corwin (youngest son) ramble incessantly about a zombie killing video game he hopes to design one day – including a treatise on the topics of weaponry and bonus attacks. Meanwhile, I’m silently hoping that some day he’ll stop talking long enough to actually create said game and be able to market it without people saying “OHMYGOD just stop talking for five minutes!” like Killian (oldest son) demanded this morning.

7:15am – Pick up Justin (car pool kid) after driving through moderate to heavy fog while listening to Killian and Justin bitch about the PLAN test (precursor to the ACT) that they have to take today. They apparently don’t enjoy filling in bubbles – go fig.

7:35am – Arrive at school to a nearly deserted parking lot. But the boys insist that it’s because the seniors don’t have to be there until 11, so I wander on my merry way through the fog to bring Corwin to the elementary school. Then my phone rings, it’s Killian telling me that there’s a two hour “Fog Delay.” Are you fucking kidding me? No…no, he’s not.

7:45am – Arrive back at the high school to pick up Killian and Justin. (Please note, we’ve had WAY worse fog than this and have never had a delay. Idiots.)

8:00am – Arrive at the elementary school to drop off Corwin.

8:10am – Arrive back home with Killian and Justin who are going to kill time playing on the x-box.

8:30 am – Receive email notice from the school about the fog delay. Really? Seriously? Now you tell us?!?!?! Fuckwits.

9:15am – Leave home to bring them back to school.

9:35am – Drop them off at school.

9:45am – Receive text from Killian that school will letting out at 12:45 instead of 2:30.

9:46am – Swear profusely while driving alone in my car likely looking like I’m batshit crazy.

10:06am – Stop at Starbucks for a well-deserved venti cinnamon dolche latte.

10:15am – Arrive at home, drink said coffee and try to squeeze in as much work as possible including both of the blogs (although, this is more therapy than anything else right now).

11:00am – Start supper in the crockpot.

11:22am – Receive text from Killian in which he thinks I should take him, Justin and Mitchell (afternoon car pool kid) to iHop for lunch.

11:23am – Ponder infanticide.

11:34am – Send Killian a text that says “Bite me.” Then another that says “Maybe.” Because damn it, now iHop sounds really good.

So the rest of my day looks like this:

12:20pm – Leave house to pick up three obnoxious but hilarious teenage boys.

12:45pm – Pick up said obnoxious boys.

1:00pm – Go to lunch with said boys and probably laugh my ass off, because that’s usually how it goes.

2:00pm – Drive all the boys home.

2:45pm – Pick up Kendra (other afternoon carpool kid) at a different high school.

3:15pm – Pick up Corwin and Taylor (Kendra’s little sister) at the elementary school.

3:50pm – Drop off Kendra and Taylor at their house.

4:00pm – Arrive home to a mountain of email and all kinds of other crap that needs to be done.

4:01pm – Probably swear some more.

In the meanwhile, I posted over at Writer’s Evolution today about my favorite characters that I didn’t write. πŸ™‚ Come on over and let me know what some of yours are.

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10 thoughts on “The Day in Which I Will Live in My Car

  1. Well, I can tell that the Starbucks hit. πŸ˜‰

    I don't know how you survive all the carpooling. I'm thinking finding the book Carpool for you might need to be my new life's mission.

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  2. OMGOSH you totally amuse me in your awesome hilarity. By the way, I TOTALLY love your crazy assed self. πŸ™‚

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  3. @ Chris – I really think I need to read that book. What's sad is I'm already counting the days to summer break, simply because I won't have to drive everyday.

    @ Mia – I live to serve and amuse you. And I love you too.

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  4. Bronwyn- I love your blog! You never fail to make me laugh and smile with your honesty and wit! Hmm, I think you should be writing your own book on carpooling, ya know that book “Driving in Cars With Boys”because you have the best carpooling stories from riding with the boys!

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  5. Bron, I love you:)

    Thanks for the morning chuckle, and maybe this means you need to listen to your car radio for school updates????

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  6. Aw (((((HUGS)))) and I'm terribly sorry to have laughed about all of this. Makes me feel like an ass but ya gotta admit…there is hilarity in the telling. Jeez, what a day and doesn't IHOP just sound GOOOOOOD????

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  7. 11:34am – Send Killian a text that says “Bite me.” Then another that says “Maybe.” Because damn it, now iHop sounds really good.

    I love this part. It's funny, whenever I have frazzled days like this, I treat myself to takeout sushi for lunch. It's weirdly calming.

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  8. All I can say is that your school admin is a bunch of whoosies!!!! I mean, what the hell is a fog delay!!! Shit, if we had those on the island, the kids wouldn't go to school for two weeks straight… It's not like it was a major league baseball game!!

    Fog delay… I am soooo telling my principal about that one… see if we can have us some of that stuff. But you gotta love how they gave you sooooo much notice!!!

    Glad we can all laugh at your expense, honey. I'm thinking shoving my kids on the school bus each morning is sooo much sweeter.

    hugs,
    Kris

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  9. Good God, WOMAN!
    I know you are irritated, but I'd give my left nut (I know, I don't really have a nut) to tag along with you for about a week or so.
    πŸ˜€
    πŸ˜‰
    G.

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  10. OMG this is just too damn funny. I'm gonna call the school and see if I can persuade them to come up with some new and even more bizarre reason for a delay next week.

    Like

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