Can You Vague That Up For Me?

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Brain Dump

So, it’s brain dump time–we blog about everything rattling around in our heads. So, if you read further, please don’t expect a lot of coherence or cohesion. In addition to fighting with ADD, I’m also too tired and depressed and stressed out to try to do much beyond dump. So…here’s the unloading.

I’m tired, depressed, and angry. Lately, it seems the only news is bad news, and it’s not just bad, it’s catastrophically bad. It gets harder and harder to see hope beyond the latest horrific shitshow members of our “government” are pulling.

My house is a wreck a mess–too messy for the houseguest I’ll have Sunday, but trying to get everything organized seems almost insurmountable at this point. I know she’s coming to see me, not judge my house, but as I look around, I’m still freaking out about it.

Honestly, I’m stressed and sad about literally everything from school  issues to job issues to this country’s rapid slide into fascism. And if I actually take the time to write out all the thoughts I’m having about these things, I’ll probably end up in a fetal position in the bathtub.

So, I’m going to move on to other random thoughts in my head.

I really need to get rid of the rest of the wedding dress that was the base for the new wedding dress I made.  It’s ginormous box is taking up too damn much space in my house and my brain.

My feet are ugly and my toes need to be painted desperately.

I have two audio preps that I need to finish this week for a client.

I really want to finish the chapter of my book that I’m writing.

I wrote over 10K while on vacation and still managed to do family stuff.

I’m sick and tired of being the one who has to decide what stays and goes in the big house purge.

I really want some popsicles, but we’re out.

In five more sleeps, I’ll be driving to the U.P. to pick up Jess.

I still need to write my blog about this year’s writer’s retreat.

Jess Jarman, Jenny Trout and I are going to be at the Rust City Book Con during the first weekend of August, and I still need to do ALL THE THINGS for that.

Jen and I are going to go see Billy Joel in Chicago in a few weeks.

I have awesome people in my life who make me realize how lucky I am to have so many people who love me.

I need to remember to bring fabric and scissors when I babysit my niece Saturday so I can use their table to cut out tops after I put her to bed. It’s the perfect height. and I don’t have to fight with cats there.

Cutting out fabric with cats is a nightmare.

I still want popsicles.

Sometimes, I feel like I hate everything, and that makes me feel like a terrible person.

I’m tired of constantly feeling like I’m trying to swim upstream and getting nowhere.

I’d like to go to bed right now, but I have too much to do.

I bet that Gwen, Kellie and Jess have heads full of better thoughts. You should go read theirs.

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8 thoughts on “Brain Dump

  1. Pingback: Wednesday Randomness: Brain Dump

  2. Pingback: Brain Dump – Auto immune edition | Coffee & Prozac

  3. *hugs* I can so feel you. After many, many years of battling similar issues, these are some of the things I do. You have heard about gratitude exercises, I am sure. Very hard to consistently maintain when the world seems to be conspiring against you. But that is when we need it the most. With concerted practice it does work. for instance, you already know worrying about your house is useless. change that to being thankful you have a house. A place for a guest to stay. the prospect of being able to share with a friend. There is joy there too. Listen to me like I find it so easy. I surely do not. But I guess you know, it is so much easier to tell someone else how to do it than doing it one self. 😛

    As for world affairs – or national affairs – I enforce a news blackout in my home. Maybe that makes me an Ostrich with my head in the sand, but I can stress just fine without adding the depressing news to the mix. I want positive in my life and I work hard at looking for it. It won’t be found on the news.

    Forgive me for babbling but well . . . I do that so well. *hugs* You are awesome!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I really admire how productive you manage to be even under so much duress. When I’m overwhelmed it’s way too easy for me to just disengage and spend hours zoning out with Netflix, so I applaud you for getting things done even when you’re facing an onslaught of bullshit from all sides. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’ve been thinking about your comment. I would like to disengage. I think it might be good for me. But I’m afraid to. I really think the only reason I keep attempting to get shit done is because I’m absolutely terrified that if I stop moving for more than the time it takes to have a good shower cry, I won’t ever try to do anything ever again. I’ll just live in the shower forever with no hot water.

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  5. Gwen Cease on said:

    So much yes!! It’s kind of scary that our dumps are very similar. I think I will take the above suggestion and quit watching the news. I feel as though becoming an ostrich might be better for me right now.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I”m with you on so much of this – you know that. HUGE hugs. Day by day, sister, day by freaking day.

    And you are absolutely right…I’m coming to see you. You and your awesome family. I know it’s hard to let it go (believe I know) but I don’t give a flying frick about your house. I guaran-damn-tee you, my house has been been in the same state or worse when my life and mind are chaotic. I can’t wait to see you and I won’t even spare a glance at your hours…3 more sleeps and I’m there. Be excited about that, not stressed. MWAH

    Liked by 1 person

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