Can You Vague That Up For Me?

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Archive for the category “I love my crazyass family”

Texts from Cait – Part Twenty-Two

Sometimes, nobody gets you like your sister.



Texts from Cait – Part Twenty-One


So, I’m recapping here because I can’t use the actual texts since you know…personal information and all.

But anyway, Cait sent me an image of this check she wrote to my mom with the hashtag, #achievementunlocked. She owed my mom for some student loan payments my mom made when Cait’s bank was being shitty about moving money around.

The actual amount was $665, but unable to pass up this opportunity, Cait insisted that my mom add a $1 service charge.

So she did.

I fucking love my family.


Texts from Cait (and Martin) – Part Twenty

Some background on  this text you’re about to see:  My family’s nickname for me is T-Rex because my arms are short and I can’t reach shit. In fact, when I need something on an upper shelf, I yell, “T-Rex needs help!” and someone who’s taller than me needs to come reach stuff down for me.

My brother, Martin, delights in sending me T-Rex related memes and buying me T-Tex related t-shirts or building Lego T-Rexes and naming them after me. (Please see exhibits a and B, below.)


Today, he sent me this text that I immediately relayed to my sister, Cait. I thought I’d share Martin’s text and Cait’s response.




Best Apology Ever

I know, I know. I’m the worst blogger ever, lately.

I’m so busy I forgot to tell you guys about my new release. I’m also super lame, because it came out 20 days ago. Seriously, that’s like almost three weeks ago. (Lame, lame, lame.) Vengeful Shadows is here, if you want to check it out.

But anyway, this is what I really want to share with you. And yep, I’ve got permission from both of them.

My little brother, Martin, has a new girlfriend. Let me just tell you, I freaking adore her. She’s amazing and is a perfect fit for our crazy family. They couldn’t be a better team.

Well, Martin screwed up the other day, and because he really wants to be her “knight in shining armor” and also publicly apologize, he did this:

And also this:

and posted them on Facebook.

Spoiler alert: She loves it. And him.

And I’m a happy, happy big sister.

I also can’t stop giggling.

(Photos courtesy of my oldest kid who was helping Martin today.)

Only In My Family

So, I got a phone call from my mom the other day.

Mom: Wanna hear about my big adventure?

Me: Does it involve your girlfriend stealing a cop car? If not, it’s probably not gonna top Martin’s big adventure.

Mom: No…but it does involve me getting trapped inside a restaurant bathroom.

Me: Do tell.

Mom: Well, it was one of little single-stall bathrooms and the door lock busted while I was in there. I couldn’t get out. The lock wouldn’t budge!

Me: Oh no!

Mom: Yeah, the lock on the door broke. I tapped on the door for a while, calling “Hello.” I didn’t want to call for help in case someone thought I was having a medical emergency. They had to send a manager in through the ceiling tiles into the bathroom and then they dropped tools down to us. One of them was a butter knife.

Me: I knew that was a viable tool no matter what Matt says!

Mom: Right?!

Me: So then what happened?

Mom: Well, the manager worked on the door from our side and then some other guys worked on it from the other side. When they finally got it open, there was some cheering and one of the guys said, “It’s like rescuing the Peruvian miners!”

The Wedding of the Year

I know, you’re all frantically checking your calenders to see if somehow you’d missed Prince William and Kate’s wedding. Nope – there was actually a better wedding this year. My baby brother Andrew got married Saturday.

There was the usual wedding amusement. My nieces Madelynn and Lexi were the flower girls and Madelynn decided to hike up her dress in the middle of the ceremony and adjust the crotch of her tights. The minister read the longest Kahlil Gibran passage ever. No really. Ever. He. Would. Not. Stop.

Hubby pointed out that he thought the minister flunked out of the William Shatner School of Speech. I think he may be right.

After the ceremony, there was a very sweet speech by the maid of honor and a hilarious one by the best man. Like he said, he can’t remember a time when he and Andrew weren’t friends. I can’t either. I do remember though when they used to make chalk outlines of bodies in the road and throw down fake blood and put up police caution tape and wait in the woods to see what would happen. Once an old lady called the police, not to report Andrew and Brian, but to report a hit and run car accident swearing she’d seen the whole thing. Yep…these are the people in my life. (And I’m glad!)

After Brian gave his speech, our sister Cait got up to toast them. She talked about how six years ago, she was at her favorite coffee shop hanging out when she noticed Andrew walk in with a drop dead gorgeous girl on their first date. She mentioned that she tried to borrow a quarter from Andrew for the jukebox, but he didn’t have one. Anne didn’t hesitate, she handed Cait a quarter, and Cait looked at Anderw, pointed at Anne and said, “Marry that woman.” After they left the coffee shop Andrew, Anne and Cait hung out and talked until six am. Cait said she knew then that Anne was perfect for Andrew. She lifted her glass, tossed Anne a quarter and said, “I owe you.”

Aaaaand that’s when I started getting teary.

The teary-ness continued when it was time for dancing. I was fine while they danced. Then it was time for the mother-son dance, and what do we hear but the unmistakable strains of John Denver’s Country Roads. There were a lot of people looking around with WTF expressions on their faces. Cait and I cracked up and then we both got a little teary – Country Roads was the song Andrew always asked mom to sing him at bedtime. As soon as the music started playing, Madelynn squealed, “It’s my Daddy-bedtime-song” because my brother Martin has carried on the tradition and sings it to his kids. So Cait, Tim, Martin and I all sang along, laughing like idiots while mom and Andrew danced.

I thought the running makeup time was over, but the DJ announced that it was time for the groom to dance with his big sister. Yes, dear readers, that would be me. It should be noted that I hate dancing…especially when I’m the only one doing it. But there was my boy, with that cute little smile on his face, so off I went. Then the music started. And I burst into tears. Full-on crying. The song he chose for us to dance to was Tapestry, by Carole King.

When Andrew was little, my mom had to teach several night classes a week, so I’d put him and Martin and Cait to bed on those nights. I didn’t even realize he remembered that was the song that I’d sing to him. So we danced and laughed and cried a little more.

I was hit again by something I already knew. I am the luckiest big sister in the world.

By the way, if you’ve never heard Tapestry, this is it. I still love it after all this time. Actually, I love it even more, now.

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